Refusing to Stay Invisible: My personal story of overcoming my own communication anxiety
I’m often told “you’re great at communicating.” “You’re very articulate” “you present yourself really well” And I’m glad to hear that, because communication is something that I’m so passionate about, and I have worked hard at to develop in both my personal and professional life. But there was a time when the anxiety I experienced around speaking up in front of others was paralyzing to me.
In this blog, I want to share with you my own personal story of being plagued with communication anxiety, how I learned to overcome it, and why helping other women to do the same has become the heart & soul behind my business
A “Good little Speaker”
If you knew me when I was younger, you would have no idea that communication was a point of anxiety for me as an adult. I was always being called “a good little speaker”. I found a sense of belonging on stage as I competed in all areas of the performing arts from dance, to drama, to improv, and of course public speaking – yes, I was that kid. Because of this, I had developed skills and techniques such as speech writing, thinking on my feet, and using my voice and body language to present myself in front of a crowd. Naturally these skills have served me well throughout my life, but it’s important to note that just because these skills served me in one area of my life did not mean they served me in every area of my life.
I think this is worth highlighting. We can be skilled and feel confident in one area of our life but it doesn’t mean we are skilled or feel confident in every area of our lives. And That’s okay.
For me, I felt confident giving a fun, motivational speech on stage. However, fast forward 10 years to when I entered the boardroom life, and I had to trade my motivational speeches to “be you and be proud of it” for corporate presentations, cold sales calls, and sharing ideas around the table with colleagues who were far more intelligent and experienced than I was.
– All of a sudden, I wasn't so vocal.
In fact, I found myself on a daily basis:
dreading every presentation required of me
avoiding sales calls like the plague; and
not raising my hand, or speaking up, even if I had an idea or I knew the answer to something
I kept my head down and sat back in my chair hoping my boss or colleagues wouldn’t see me, or would forget I was there, altogether.
“I don’t Know What I’m Talking About”
It took me years to identify what was holding me back from using my voice . With time, and a lot of self reflection, I realized that the limiting belief underlying my communication anxiety came from my own version of imposter syndrome which told me: “I don’t know what I am talking about, and what I have to say is not valuable.”
Because of this belief, I doubted everything I said and my lack of confidence was evident in how I stumbled through my words, how my voice would shake, and how insecure my body language was.
This went on for over ten years. It didn’t matter which job, which role, which company I was in, the story was the same: In a professional setting, I don't know what I’m talking about, and what I have to say is not valuable. My anxiety around speaking up in front of others became so crippling to me that, as far as my professional life was concerned – I wanted to be invisible.
The Turning Point
After a while, the feeling of wanting to be invisible weighed on me heavily. In other areas of my life I was ambitious, outgoing and opinionated, but the second I entered the office, the boardroom, or the conference room, I lost that beautiful part of myself. When I started my own business, being invisible was no longer an option. If I didn’t find a way to promote myself, make sales for my clients, and lead my clients through projects, I wouldn’t be able to deliver for them and I wouldn’t bring in money for my family.
This was the turning point for me.
The responsibility hit me differently, and frankly, as a woman entering her 30’s I was tired of my own bullshit. I began to realize that I was suffocating my own dreams out of fear of what other people might think of me, and because somewhere along the line I stopped believing in myself.
When this realization hit, it didn’t take long for me to make a new decision. Almost instantly I decided that I was no longer available for this.
So I put the work in. I sat down, took out my journal and started identifying the problem and how I was going to solve it.
The problem was a deeply rooted limiting belief that “I don’t know what I am talking about”. This was completely untrue, but it caused a perpetual negative mindset leading me to struggle with two things on a daily basis: I don’t know what to say and I don’t know how to say it
So I had three parts of the puzzle I needed to work on:
I had to figure out a way to overcome my limiting belief
I had to find a way to trust myself to know what to say; and
I had to learn how to say it in a confident and compelling way, so others could trust me too.
And with that, I spent the next 4 years building a process for myself to
Master my Mindset
Master my Message, and
Master my Method of deliver
And in those 4 years I went from
Not picking up the phone - to bringing in 7 figures in sponsorship revenue for my clients
Not sharing my ideas - to being a thought leader providing workshops in my community
Not raising my hand - to confidently leading client meetings and sales calls
Feeling stressed, insecure, disorganized and doubtful - to using my voice in a clear, confident and compelling way.
For me personally, it wasn’t enough that I had figured this out on my own. I wanted the theory and best practices to back up my work. So I hired my own communications coach, I studied communications theory and strategies, and I trained to become a certified communications coach myself.
Now, I combine my personal experience, my professional training, and an unrelenting passion & commitment to bring what I have learned to other women; Professional women who are also ambitious, outgoing and goal oriented, but who continue to stifle their dreams because they would rather be invisible than share their voice and their ideas in front of other people.
I know that if I deeply struggled with this then, surely, hundreds of thousands of other women do as well.
I also know – wholeheartedly – that if I could overcome this… so can you.
And I’m here to help you every step of the way. Let’s do this together!
Xx Elisa
